i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
