I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
