we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
