And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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