I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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