Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize