I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
