Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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