I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
