I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
