somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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