so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
