I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
