The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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