If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
