"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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