Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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