I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
