When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
