can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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