please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
