There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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