i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
