You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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