Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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