I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
