Small penises have feelings too.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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