i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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