between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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