Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
