And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You don't make any sense
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