the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my poor anus
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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