It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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