I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
