READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
