all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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