I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
