"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
