I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
