we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
