is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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