there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
