He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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