I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
