I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
