does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
