i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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