i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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