if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
