i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
