I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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