Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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