The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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