we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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