If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
