just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
