Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
