So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
