Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
