Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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