I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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