I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
