I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run