You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them