Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference