she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
