The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize