A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo