Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.