i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm like, not good at living.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me