i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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