So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
