She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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