broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is my gift to your gina
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
