Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
