there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
