I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize