the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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