dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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