All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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