dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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