Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
