Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
