I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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