Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
