My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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