oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
