remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
