I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
