Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
