And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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