so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
