I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
